I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
