these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
