I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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