Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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