OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
