every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
