Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
