i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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