mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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