the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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