why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
