I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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