Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is classic penis vs brain.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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