Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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