I must be too annoying 4 u.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
