i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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