Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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