It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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