Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Randomize
