Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
