So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
