Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize