Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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