O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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