Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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