I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
