So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
