I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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