Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
