he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize