I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
