bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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