just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My cat gives me a boner
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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