nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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