Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
