what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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