I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
