her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
