Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
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You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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