My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
