We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
