a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
