He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
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he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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