Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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