i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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