Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
