How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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