i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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