i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
