wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
