forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
