We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
