My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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