Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am puke
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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