I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
