i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
