fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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