bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
