THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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