Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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