I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
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It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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