At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
