It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
