so explain again why im purple
no
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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