Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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