It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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