I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
