Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
