If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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