just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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