explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
