this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
honey bunches of taint.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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