What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
