i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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