Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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