It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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