you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He? As in you personified your dick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
