well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
